.

hei igjen

2010-10-09T06:24:00.000-07:00

nå er det leeeenge siden jeg skrev her...

vi har nå vært prøvere i 15 mnd.. uten noe resultat.

trengte en lang pause fra det hele, men er nå tilbake for fullt.

i dag er jeg 5 dpo og venter spent..

prøver å ikke håpe. men innert inne så gjør jeg jo egentlig det.

gubben har startet i ny jobb, kun nattevakter.

jeg syntes det er super deilig.. nyyyyter mye tid alene :P

nå skal jeg lage litt mat her, rundstykker med kokt egg :D

kose meg meg god mat og ungene :D gubbis sover fortsatt

:(

2010-06-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

back from a long and stressful weekend..

it all started with me waking up on friday morning.. bleeding.

kept on bleeding until there was no baby left inside me ..

leaving me with the empty hopeless feeling of failing again..

oh well.. like the doctor said today.. good luck.. and if you have 2 more miscarriages within the next 4-5 months , they COULD THINK about looking into it..

great...

on sunday, my son who had his tonsils removed, got hit in the back by his brother.

ended up with him losing over 6 dl of blood before we even made it to the hospital.

but he is ok now :)

so ... all good.. shit weekend ..

sick of trying .. sick of it all...

focus on housework from now on. since dan's parents are coming over from wales next week ... i think :S

3 weeks and 5 days (3+5)

2010-06-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

so far i have ONE tenter boob :P i can smell everything! and i hate to eat..

this happens with the "baby" in week 3 .
Sperm meets egg within the fallopian tube and the miracle of life begins.
Although several sperm may penetrate the egg's outer layer, only one sperm will enter the ovum and fertilize it.
In the middle of the ovum, the chromosomes of mother and father splash about and bits of information from both begin to form the chromosomes of your baby.
At the moment of conception, your baby's gender is determined thanks to the sex chromosomes in the father's sperm.
If you don't like the gender of your baby, blame dad.

This happends to me :

If you're feeling tired this week, or you're convinced that your breasts are achy or are already starting to enlarge, it may not be all in your head. They're both early signs of pregnancy.
You might also be having major mood swings (according to your partner, anyway—you're pretty sure you're being quite levelheaded and reasonable). This is all due to the hormones that are racing like Danica Patrick through your body. Those hormones are also responsible for the unimaginable exhaustion you might feel at all hours of the day.

That sudden urge to pee every 10 minutes is also an early sign of pregnancy. Unfortunately, you'll keep on peeing with this irritating frequency for the next 37 weeks, so load up on Charmin.

You may even experience the first twinges of morning sickness this week. Once you get that positive pregnancy test next week, you'll realize it actually wasn't your partner's driving that was making you feel queasy (and apologies will probably be in order). It certainly doesn't help matters that your sense of smell is suddenly sharper than a Labrador's and everything you get a whiff of makes you want to barf.

TINA

2010-06-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

my girl Tina..
my wonderful,wonderful Tina.

you died 13 years ago , june 22nd.
i miss you so much. i feel like my heart is ripped apart.

i cant even begin to explain how much i need you.
and how much you ment to me.

mr.hubby told me to get over it already.. and i realised...
i dont wanna get over "it"

i need to believe that you will come back to me.

i cant give up on that.. it will be the same as letting you go.
and i cant let you go.

please come back to me ..

positive?

2010-06-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

omg omg
i got a blue + on my clearblue today!!
happy,scared worried.. over the top.. oh god!

ok.. dont let it go all to my head now.. what if .. what if it falls out!!
its like a 90% chance it will go wrong at this point...
3weeks and 3days..
but for every day it klings on, im happy..
so fingers xed!!

kiddos operation day

2010-06-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

Now its over and done with :D
and my boy was so brave!!

now he is sleeping peacefully on the sofa :) my big boy!!!

still negative... :P

2010-06-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

and yes, im stupid for testing already!!
still daaaays left before im having my period.

i haate this !! haha

sympt. hunting :
**exhaustion, i fall asleep every day , even if i slept 10 hours at night. (might just be lazy )
**Smells - could smell hubbys beef rom across the room!!
**heartburn -- never had that before. i keep throwing up in my mouth :S
**peeing - all the time .. like, every other hour.
**cramps- sometimes it feels like im getting my period
**Nausea- comes and goes
**hunger - suddenly i get so hungry it hurts..
but all of this might just be a normal week in a girls life right ?

hmmmm

2010-06-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

Been out shopping again today... told my self that im not gonna buy anything for a really long time now :P
*feeling a bit guilty*

dont have anything clever to say today really. not feeling 2 good atm..
hopefullt there is a god reason for that ... *fingers xed*

think im just gonna go read a book :D

STUPID HUSBANDS

2010-06-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

omg... what a huge pain in the ass men can be !!
sometimes, i just wanna kick his ass all the way back to the uk.
what a fucking twat he can be !!!

every thursday hes gonan go for a beer straight after work.
this was gonna be about 20 min...

here i am. dinner almost ready and he is 2,5 hours late...
i told him he should ask some one the guys from work if he could spend the night at their place, cus i sure dont need his lies in my house atm.

hes done nothing to earn my trust. but he HAS done a couple of things not to have it.
and my trust does not come for free*!

i have gone over the top trying to make him happy today..
bought him clotes i know he wanted. shoes and shorts for his work. a mic for his pc. cus he really wanted a new one. made chicken and leek pie , and a salad...
and bought him a new toaster. since the other one died.

and this is how he pay me back.. the fucking dumbass.

im not some kinda dorstep... and i was . i would make sure ppl would trip everytime they tried 2 walk over me!!

BUT i know him.. and i know that even when he mess up like this, he would NEVER be smart enough to buy me flowers or whatever to try and make it ok again... never... and why wont he ? cus hes 2 damn selfish!!
NOBHEAD

4dpo

2010-06-09T14:27:00.000-07:00

hello :D

today has been a long day :)

fist we went to the hospital, to have a quick check up and so that my son could get some info bafore his operation on monday, then we went to a shoe outlet!!

got 2 pairs of shoes for £25 :D happy happy joy joy

been watching men who stare at goats or whatever today... what a boring film!!!
gonna watch precious now :D all by my self.. i will truly enjoy the moments of peace :P

about beeing 4 dpo, or 7 dpo as fertility friend sais.. i still cant feel anything .. :P
and no. im not looking for signs--- no that much anywho.

tomorrow im going 2 town with a friend i havent seen for a long time :D
we all need some new summer clotes .
ahopping is therapy!!! love love "

i lost my camera... i really need to find it :( calling 800psycic.....

my cousin came over today :D havent seen her in ... over 2 years now i think.. maybe close to three years ..
she brought jellybeans bakugan and bare minerals makeup:)

the girls made brownies 2day :D yum yum ..

all in all . a good day :D

book report of the week!

2010-06-08T14:26:00.000-07:00

THE GARGOYLE by ANDREW DAVIDSON

The narrator of The Gargoyle is a very contemporary cynic, physically beautiful and sexually adept, who dwells in the moral vacuum that is modern life. As the book opens, he is driving along a dark road when he is distracted by what seems to be a flight of arrows. He crashes into a ravine and suffers horrible burns over much of his body. As he recovers in a burn ward, undergoing the tortures of the damned, he awaits the day when he can leave the hospital and commit carefully planned suicide—for he is now a monster in appearance as well as in soul.

A beautiful and compelling, but clearly unhinged, sculptress of gargoyles by the name of Marianne Engel appears at the foot of his bed and insists that they were once lovers in medieval Germany. In her telling, he was a badly injured mercenary and she was a nun and scribe in the famed monastery of Engelthal who nursed him back to health. As she spins their tale in Scheherazade fashion and relates equally mesmerizing stories of deathless love in Japan, Iceland, Italy, and England, he finds himself drawn back to life—and, finally, in love. He is released into Marianne's care and takes up residence in her huge stone house. But all is not well. For one thing, the pull of his past sins becomes ever more powerful as the morphine he is prescribed becomes ever more addictive. For another, Marianne receives word from God that she has only twenty-seven sculptures left to complete—and her time on earth will be finished.

all in all, the book is amazing, its a joy to read.. and orgazm of words!!!
i will read this book again... !!

booooooooooring

2010-06-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

i dont think im a typical housewife...
i hate it :P i hate staying at home doing housework ...

i love 2 stay at home.. just not cleaning..

maybe hubby should be a househubby..
i can go 2 work and he can have the house clean and the dinner ready by the time i come home ... wouldnt that be something ?!

only something that is ,is something unrealistic :P

im bored.. maybe i should do something to change it ?

3dpo

2010-06-08T03:42:00.000-07:00

Before i got out of bed.. i was thinking about something i wanted to write about, but i forgot what it was ... bah. oh well, maybe it will coma back. Probably when im not infront of my computer, and i will just forget again!

Another thing i would like to get down on "paper" is some thoughts about ttc when we have kids already.
And how some people always say the worng thing.

Like the other day, someone said to me :
So what if yot cant get pregnant? you already have kids.. no big deal!

But it is a big deal.. The waiting is the worst. The not knowing why..
If someone told us , there is something wrong , you will never have another baby.
We could deal with that.. But the way it is right now, no one sais anything.
An thats the draining part..

about 3 days dpo today. no signs so far :P
and i am not gonna go symptome hunting.. that will not lead to anything good.

My son is home from school today. sick again.. hes gonna have his tonsils removed on monday, so maybe he can stop being sick all the time after that :)

better go do some cleaning , my cousin is coming over tomorrow, she lives in texas , but will be home for the summer :)

hello :D

2010-06-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

i am writing this blog, so that i can have somewhere 2 moan , other then to my hubby..

Like so many other couples out there , we have been trying for a baby for 10 months now ..

No luck so far.

Its frustrating , depressing and degrading ... the people that dont want their baby falls pregnant by mistake, happens all the time.

But the people really trying , well.. they just have to keep trying .

From today, i will use this blog to get my frustration out :P

peeing on sticks... temping every morning.. charts and hopes--- gah , how i hate it all!!

for 10 monts i had negative ovulation tests ... no temps who jumps cus of me laying an egg :P

but in june i had my first positive test.. :D im so scared of getting my hopes up..

Sometimes i feel so alone, hubby is .. like hubbies usually are ... braindead:P

no understanding about my stress and frustration..

he is still at that place where he can think.. we have time ! it will all be ok..

and im sure he is right... but still.. i count every day now . 2 dpo today haha

still have 12 more days to go before testing !!